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I am proud to introduce a guest post by the very talented blogger Anika of ByAnika.  I received such thoughtful comments on my last blog of Bag or Bandage Fashion, that I requested Anika to respond with a follow-up blog and she very graciously obliged. 

Most of you know Anika by now, as she is rapidly spreading the love amongst all of us.  I think of her as Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of Love of Blog-dom!  She encourages and supports fellow bloggers with an immensely open heart and honest spirit.  The reason why I requested Anika to write a responsive blog is because I consider her to be a non-conformist.  She is brave, bold and does not let society dictate her choices.  She does not follow prescribed norms and standards.   One of Anika’s most unique traits is that despite being all of the above, she does not come out as a “woman with an agenda.”  She retains her carefree, sensitive, generous and beautiful spirit. 

Read and enjoy the following post by the enchanting Anika!

Last week I wrote a post chez moi at By Anika on how I feel that sexy is a state of mind. Gone are the days when I tried dressing overtly sexual, today I wear my own flowy designs that showcase me. The day after writing my post I surfed over to Ambu to find her pondering same topic in her post Bag or Bandage Fashion. Talk about being on the same wavelength.

Ambu asked me to elaborate on my reply to her post. The topic of sexuality and fashion is one that I find very interesting, so I was more than happy to share some of my personal experiences in terms of dressing sexually.

I feel that there are all kinds of rules about what to do and not, and what I strongly advocate is that we all screw the rules and not let us become restricted by a regime that we feel we need to comply with. How we express this defiance will vary of course, for some breaking out a tight dress is it, for others wearing the “wrong” shape feels freeing.

In terms of dressing sexually for me, it is all about feeling confident in who I am and not apologizing for it. I walk down the street, swaying my curves (this I have little control over anyway, watch me walk and I will give you a symphony of curves in motion), looking at people with an open mind. I am present.

As for the outer aspect of my fashion and sexuality I’ll say this. I have a body that a lot of men seem to find very sexual. I have been groped etc. by men passing me by in the street since I was 12 years old. Only yesterday several men came up to me and made suggestive looks and comments, and one guy followed me.

This is a daily occurrence for me, and for years I have been pondering why I experience this. One thing is my open nature I think, but even when I am more closed off it happens. I guess it is the va va voom of the walking symphony and the hour-glassy shape of my body.

When I tried dressing more sexual I felt vulnerable, because showing my body to the fullest meant that the unwanted attention increased. I felt exposed and hurt, because I was attracting attention solely based on my curves. So, you might ask, do I now wear wider clothes because I am hiding? Why not show some cleavage?

I’ll tell you why I wear clothes that are flowy, that showcase all of me, not just my lovely rack. I am not hiding; I am not trying to cover up my sexuality. I dress the way that I do because I want to feel free! Free to express myself any way I want to, free to sway my ass when walking – not holding in my tummy, not worrying, just being and having fun in the moment. Feeling free and unconstricted is sexy to me.

Why is the dance of the seven veils so sexy?  Because we want to see what is underneath, because that foreplay is a thrill. I dress in a sexual way because I dress in a way that honors me as a whole person.

I may be selective, but when I invite you into my life you get a whole lot of woman, sexual and soulful. To me they are two sides of the same story. They are me.

 Love, Anika

  • Great follow up to an already soon to be classic Anika post!

  • We love Anika! I enjoyed this post! I got some LOL’z out of it, and I can relate to everything she is saying!

  • Ok this is awesome! two of my favorite people, one post!!! love you both. In response to your topic, I never wore tight outfits I just never felt comfortable. Even when I was super thin, I didn’t feel comfortable. Dressing sexy was never my thing, I always thought dressing sexy depended on whether or not I felt sexy that day. I never liked getting negative attention from men or dressing to get attention from men. I don’t know if I am making sense….but I love you both because you say screw the rules and love yourself in everything you do!

    Veronica

  • Anika, great post and I been there when it comes to deal with aggressive men; I have develop a face that say “I will kill you if you touch me” because like I always tell me daughters this is your body and you are in charge of it!
    I usually don’t wear a lot of sexy clothes because it’s not my thing, I prefer to be comfortable than sexy but once in a while a bit of cleveage don’t hurt anyone.

  • I like the seven veils question. Leaving some mystery seems more sexual to me than revealing all–hence flowy clothing!

  • AMEN!!!
    lOVE ANIKA.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  • Great guest post! Screwing all the fashion rules is the best advice ever! We should wear what we’re comfortable in, rather than what magazines tell us to wear, to feel sexy. I definitely feel more vulnerable in revealing/sexual/tight clothes, and always prefer to be in flowing dress, or jeans that let me breath!

  • Thank you so much my dear friend for asking me to guest post for you! I loved doing it. Thank you to all of the wonderful comments, I am so glad that we are talking about this important subject. Love, Anika

  • Ambu, hello! You have a beautiful blog! And what a wonderful follow-up post by Anika! Anika sister, sing it! I was reading her replies and thought, that’s how every woman should feel! Because I believe sexy is so much more than clothes. It’s the confidence you project, it’s in the lightness of your step or how you sway your hips, like Anika says. Every woman has the ability to be sexy and to feel sexy, if only we refuse to allow the media, society and those around us to define sexy from “THEIR” perspective. We are sexy; we just have to believe in ourselves. I love this feature, Ambu! Expect a return visit from me! :)

  • Omigosh, I love this follow up. Damn the rules!!! I think dressing sexy is really a state of mind and you are sexiest when you feel confident, and I also hate the idea that showing cleavage is automatic sexy. I feel so unsexy showing off my chest. Know what makes me feel super sexy!? A little off the shoulder action or a rip in the knee of my jeans! Hell yeah that makes me feel sexy!

    Also dearest Anika, I’m so sorry for those bad experiences you mentioned here. I want to hug you b/c we are sisters in this. When I was in h.s. I had a boss that did nothing but stare at my chest (You probably can’t tell by the way I dress now but I have ample d’s which are a tad large for my 5 foot frame) and I felt so unsexy, I felt violated and sadly I’ve had groping and chase experiences too and it is scary and I felt the same way you do…vulnerable. Dressing in loose flowy clothing makes me feel at ease with myself and not conscious about what passerbys are thinking.

  • I dress to try to have ME set the focus of attention… I wear a lot of sequins or sparkles on top to direct attention upwards to the decollete and face. I also wear a lot of jewelry to do the same. It’s my comfort zone. I can’t really control where people look, but I can try. :)

  • All that I can say is brilliant post! And after reading and leaving comments on both of your previous posts that were wonderful. I agree! Who needs rules when you have the confidence, style, and an acute eyesight of knowing who YOU are. Wear it your way… BE you!

    *been a bit MIA… jetlagged from work, but could not miss reading this post!
    Love,
    Madison :)

  • Albert:

    How refreshing to read such sophisticated, personal, and existential statements on tight versus loose clothing and what it means to be sexy. May all women of the world hear you!

  • Interesting post. For many women, there’s a push-pull dilemma in dressing sassy, at least in public. I respect the difficulties of attracting unwanted male-attention while desiring to express your sexuality. It’s a tough thing to navigate. That said, there is nothing more desireable in nature than a woman who feels confident and happy.

  • Isn’t she just gorgeous? I never met her but I adore her already
    Lee x

  • Anika, so wonderful. My favorite quote: “it is all about feeling confident in who I am and not apologizing for it”

    You never need to apologize, you ARE the definition of sexy!

    xoxo
    Cyrillynn

  • I love how she says that she is selective, but if she invites you to her world… That is exactly how I am and I often feel like we are pushed into the “rule” of being a couple, while I don’t really miss a man in my life at the moment… I mean it should just happen, I feel like most people want to make it happen instead. So I love her philosophy on this one :D people have the right to be selective about important things in their lives: they are the director of their own lives, aren’t they??

    Thanks for sharing!!

    Have a fab day!!

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